Welcome Back

I started this blog well over a year ago as a little quest to try and find myself and some of the fabulous things this world has to offer.  I wanted to share it with whoever might find some inspiration from it because the truth is, when all my barriers are down I just love to talk, write, make people laugh, lend a helping hand. Simply I love people and making connections.

Perhaps it was some call to the universe “Help me, help me”

However like most of my “brilliant ideas,” in which i tend to go in with all guns blazing and then sooner or later just lose the passion to drive through the sometimes not so blue sky, i stopped.

In the beginning of the year, after another Slow Flow Yoga class which ended in tears,  I found myself, panda eyed, in my local cafe, annoyed and fustrated at the highs and lows of my body, mind and spirt, and as i ordered my second almond milk latte for the day, it was only 11am. Waiting impatiently for my next caffeine hit,  I found myself propelled to an advertisement for a “Holistic Awakening” which they called Reiki:

“Do you suffer from chronic stress?”  Yes of course, I am Italian!

“Are you fatigued?” Um hello who isn’t?

“Do you suffer from depression?”   Blowing money on drugs and alcohol is just a way for me to relax and unwind after a stressful week! Everyone is doing it!

I threw the flyer down grabbed my coffee, without making eye contact with the kind gentlemen, mumble a quick thank you under my breath and walked briskly to my car, jumped in, lit a smoke and drove off.  I couldn’t get away fast enough, and thinking back now i was in a pretty negative space.

A day later the flyer was still in the back of my mind, so i started to do a little research on this energy healing; Reiki.

The more i read the more i started to think. Did i have a lot of dormant energy blocked up inside of me? Was this why when i gave my mind and body time to slow down and release, I always ended up in tears?  Or why i almost bit the head off the poor waitress at breakfast yesterday morning because my dad’s meal was late, or why most of my family were to scared to talk to me incase i erupted?  Was i still letting the past decide my future? Unable to finally move forward because i was still holding on to so much more.

I asked a friend who seemed to be more in touch with her “spiritual side” and she recommended i try it out and gave me the number of  a lady i now call my absolute angel!

Since February I have been seeing my healer almost weekly and the amount of rubbish i have stored in this poor body of mine no wonder it’s angry and hates getting out of bed every day!  Week by week we clear a little more and make space for so many more possibilities.

I now walk around with crystals on my hands and hanging from my neck, meditate daily, I am working towards a 5:30am practice, but i am still addicted to the snooze button.  I talk about chakras, and look for colours to attract vibrations,  I consult my angle cards.

Early this week i made the decision to making a transition to turn vegetarian, its been playing on my mind for a while but after being exposed to the documentary Cowspiracy, i am finally starting to make more sustainable choices about what i put in my body. I have not eaten meat since Tuesday.  I have an official end day on the 30th of May, as I am going to Japan and still want to try sushi there but who knows when its in front of me what i might do!

Tomorrow I am going on my first ever weekend retreat for yoga, mediation and healing and in the second half of the year I am going to embark on my Yoga Teacher Training Certification.

Have I found myself? Of course not!  Do i know what my life purpose is? It changes every day!

However i do know that creative and autobiographical writing has always been a way in which i love to express so i am back at the key board and pushing on forward!

TransformQuotefancy-4363-3840x2160-2ations are not easy and at times i still want to rush out and buy a packet of smokes  or waste my pay check on a “night out on the town” but i constantly remind myself be like the arrow: it must be pulled backwards before it can saw into the mystical unknown.

Hello and welcome back to my blog.

Namaste

xx

 

“Each person was meant to blossom into their own unique signature of greatness.

The beautiful path is not a place outside of yourself, but rather a place you carry with you everywhere you go.

Find the Magic that is in your heart.

Allow it to breath.

This is your moment. You decide.” –  Adriano Di Prato,

My dear friend and inspiration: a man who is continually learning, exploring

finding fab- you -lous

I thank you.

#Permission ToTriumph

So I don’t look like a Ballerina but I can deadlift my body weight!

I am falling in love with my body. I feel like a rejuvenated woman, in the early stages of a blossoming romance. It’s new, it’s extremely different and I feel fantastic.

I bet your thinking I must have lost 10 kilograms!

No. Recently I haven’t lost any weight, and that annoying 5 kilograms that is keeping me from my dream goal of 55 kilograms, still refuses to go away. To tell you the truth I think I am stuck with that for life and I don’t care.

Dearest stubborn five kilos welcome to my body, feel free to continue making your self-comfortable!

It no longer pains me to share that I am a 5ft1 female who weighs 60 kilograms.   You can turn your noes up at that; I won’t be offended because do you know what this means?

I am short, strong and sexy.

My weight struggles are no big secrete, I enjoy sharing them because I think people can learn from them. No, I have never been anorexic because, like most Italians I love food way too much. Food has always been my comfort. Some people don’t eat when they are stressed. Me? I eat when stressed. Being constantly stressed about not being thin meant I was constantly eating because eating made me feel better. However Once I was done eating, the guilt set it, I would vow to never eat again only to find that the stress would overwhelm me and I would just end up eating yet again.

Wow that hurt my brain just trying to explain it. A catch 22 and a complete mind jumble!

Doctors would have diagnosed me as a binge eater. This eventually rolled into; number one advocator for taking laxatives, because honestly who actually enjoys sticking their fingers down their throats not to mention the taste of acid shooting up their oesophagus.

Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Sure Slim, Atkins, South Beach, low carb, no carb, lemon detox drink, juices, special soup diet, you name it I have probably tried…and in between when they weren’t working, my drug of choice…laxatives.

Truth is, none of them worked. Sure I lost weight, but the beautiful Ballerina never once looked back at me in the mirror and my mind was still left angry!

I was never badly over weight and if people had of just left me to be a child and develop naturally things may have been okay. Instead I was constantly told what image was right, the prima Bellarine, and what was wrong, me. What I could eat, whole heap of carrots and celery sticks, and what I couldn’t: bread, pasta, chocolate, ice – cream, anything not in the heath and food isle!

To love food was my curse. You try telling an Italian to defy their natural instincts…well your just doomed from the start!

Naturally I am not a very big eater but when you starve your body or like when you tell a child you can’t have something they really want, when no one was looking I overindulged. My relationship with food developed a very negative connotation.

When I finally gave up trying to be what I was told to be and what I had believed to be perfect and began exploring different avenues, I started to formulate my own ideas, beliefs and goals.

Firstly, my body structure is not one of a ballerina. I have broad shoulders that I spent years defending; no I am not a swimmer. Mind you I used to hate it but now I just wear it as a compliment. My childbearing hips have a little extra something special from my Italian heritage; they are solid and round. These physical feature I cannot change this no matter how hard I try.

So what do I do now?

I take what I have, work with it and just make it better!

Knowing I love food means I have to work hard to enjoy it but working hard gives me that power to get what I want. Those little no no’s like chocolate, ice-cream, bread or pizza become my rewards and when I stop making them negatives sometimes I realise I don’t even need them, but you have to pleasure your sense every now and then!

Exploring ways to be fit and push myself has led me to sports and activities I would have never tried. I now enjoy going for runs, weight lifting, boxing, kettle bell workouts, cycling, last week my partner brought me roller blades! These activities are not chores but things I enjoy and choose to do, on my own or with friends.

Yes some may say I am big and yes sometimes I can’t wear certain tops because my shoulders are to broad, or certain pants because my thighs are thick but maybe that designer didn’t design those items with my body structure in mind and that’s okay.

When I first met my partner, his pick up line was “how much do you squat?” I was mortified, I immediately thought he was making fun of my thunder thighs. Unknown to me he was actually paying me a compliment! Today if I was asked, I would just turn around and say proudly 50kg (I am very happy to announce that this was my new record just made today!)

I am stronger than I have ever been both physically and mentally and that’s because I am interested in being fit and healthy and the only way to do that is with the right frame of mind.

So I know I will never look like a Ballerina, its not physically possible and I am just not made that way!

There is no point it trying to obtain unrealistic goals.

However I can and do deadlift my own bodyweight, an achievement that makes me proud of my body and what I can do!

Next goal is to be able to do a chin up.

Don’t let your surrounds determine what is right for you. Starting making choices that make you happy.

 

For the love of spring.

Nothing beats the smell of spring, there is a certain freshness to it that you got to love. The air seems clean and the sun is just that perfect combination of hot but not so hot that I can fry a slice of bacon on myself.

As September ticks over to October a refreshed, happier and warmer Melbournian emerges onto the streets. Travelers, no longer robots racing against time, stop every now and then to take in the glorious surroundings. With the knowledge that summer is blossoming, this place we call home feels cosy once again.

It’s also that wonderful time of the year where we realise we spent way too much time in winter, indoors sipping red wine with the ladies! Those extra servings of warm apple pie have now become extra inches on our hips and even though we didn’t spend the whole of winter curled up under the covers, drinking hot chocolate and skipping boot camp, we know there is still work to be done to get back to that summer lovin’ beach body we had.

With this in mind and the lovely spring air it’s time to brush the dust of my helmet and join my boy for a cycling adventure around the west: Adventures with Sara & Jelly.

Our adventure itineraries are almost always centered around food; a local favourite, a new talk of the town, a hidden gem or anything within a 1 km radius!

Our motto: work hard, train hard and eat hard, its makes us the perfect pair.

Today’s destination: Yarraville Farmers Market.

The journey there is a breeze. We are at one with the cars, pushing up & speeding down the hills, conquering each obstacle I get thrown. Keeping up with my cycling machine, I can feel the efforts of the last two weeks of my “shake away the winter blues” training program starting to work.

A well rewarded rest and replenish and with a few extra calories to burn now we set off once again.

Adventures of Sara & JellyHis & Hers

Our route ahead: the banks of the Maribyrnong River

It only takes minutes for the regret to sink in.

My legs are trembling beneath me.

Perhaps I should have taken a slightly less cocky approach to the ride there.

On the other hand…

Jelly is in full steam; he reaches the river and his home, zipping around the banks like Cadel Evans on his last leg of his Tour De France Triumph. Before i can shout out to him to go on ahead, our paths have already been lost.

Determined to catch a glimpse of him, I power on ahead, but my tired, angry legs are too slow.

Images of the monstrous climb up ahead haunt me and just as I am about to admit defeat, I see Jelly shoot out of the corner…He’s come back to rescue me, hopefully with a portable stretcher strapped to his back.

Unfortunately all he has to offer is some dear words of encouragement, which I humbly accept and precede onwards to my inevitable fate.

Determination and inner strength push me through the next twenty minutes. Mind over matter, one pedal stroke at a time and as home draws near, my breath gets calm.

With the sight of success my body surrenders…

On this beautiful spring afternoon, I am the winner.

What are you actively doing right now to ensure your fabulosity illuminates?

The 7 Secrets of the Law of Attraction

” I have seen that just surrendering to your core frequency is the best way to attract. Surrendering to what feels good within yourself is a wonderful way to become a magna of what you seek.” Ralph Smart, Infinite Waters Diving Deep. 

A Demon in My Closet

I sat at my computer this evening and ponder for quite some time about how I was going to write this post. Wanting to give it a sense of creative excellence, I thought about ways in which I could make it profound, charismatic. I changed words and sentences to make things appear more intellectual and thought provoking. I felt inspired and tonight I was going to create the best post ever!

Of course I was trying way to hard and things shattered to pieces all to quickly

The truth is there is no other way to write it than spelling it out clear and simple.

I AM HAUNTED BY THE SCARY IDEA THAT I AM “THE QUITTER.”

“The Quitter” has been playing in mind since I read a post on Kristen Lamb’s blog last night,

“Want to reach new heights as a writer? Learn to Quit.”

The idea that “winners quit all the time,” seemed strange and absurd to me.

But as I finished reading, a sense of awakening had opened within me, I felt lighter and all of a sudden ‘The Quitter” did not seem so negative after all.

If this was the case, then why had I built “The Quitter” up to be some big dark scary demon that lingers over me like a bad smell?

I spent a good portion of my evening with thoughts running through my mind, trying to seem interested in the conversations around me, but really trying to solve the missing pieces of the puzzle. I was in total distress as to why at times in my life when I had decided to quit, because things where just not right, had it made me fall deeper into the dark whole.

The conclusion I have come to is this…

I need to learn to quit the right way. “Detect the difference between quitting a tactic and quitting a dream.” I have to make a choice, know it’s the right choice believe in it and stand by it.

First step, letting go of any predetermined judgements or ideas I have created around “The Quitter” like: I have a fear of failure, therefore I make the decision to quit all to soon, which is absolute madness.

Stop making judgements and live the fabulous life you want to.

“The Quitter” is my friend and together we will succeed.