They say I could dance before I could walk, that it was in my blood.
My body would find the beat before I even heard the music
I am not to sure where it derived from. My mother was certainly not one of those crazy, pushy dance mothers, living vicariously through her daughter’s talent. My sisters tried only to realise that they had been gifted with two left feet! My father’s a clown, and whilst he is very entertaining, dancing is certainly not his strongest suit!
I was a much loved black sheep.
Being different didn’t bother. Dance was my language, my freedom, my passion.
I was not the most technically gifted dancer, but I had character. I commanded the stage, captivated my audience and invited them into my journey.
A star was born within me and I was so excited to let it shine.
My passion for dance evolved like all things into a creative combination of many things; dancing, singing, acting, clowning, stage, film, theater, cultural arts, Balinese dance, Mask work, physical theater, comedy, Shakespeare, you name it, I tried to master it and I loved it.
I was successful in so many ways. Worked and trained in Singapore, Bali, New York, London and Melbourne. But as my skill set expanded, my pathway grew hazy and my soul seemed to fade.
Maybe it was because I was forced to be on every fab diet since I was ten. Or achieving 10 kg weight loss only then be told I looked too skinny. Or perhaps losing friends because they didn’t appreciate my success. Being told I was ugly and that with a face like mine I would always be over looked, might have also played a part!
I became fantastic at building a facade.
“The fighter, throw it at me and I will conquer it.”
Which led to the label:
” Bitch; cold, hard and stuck up”
Why I kept going?
Not matter how bad reality got, when my creativity was unleashed in anyway, everything went away.
However, after 25 years of being “Sara the Creative.” I was tired, hurt, confused, secluded, angry, resentful, defensive, a self-conscious wreck, me against the world. My mind had given up. My body was confused. The facade was broken and the little girl inside spoke dreams of a life without the “Creative”
Almost two years on and I am proud to say “What an Idiot I was!” The chapter of “Sara the Creative, trying to be Sara not the Creative ” was just bullshit.
Don’t get me wrong the two years gave me time to explore so many other wonderful avenues, create so many true life long bonds and has played such an important part in bringing me to where I am today.
However denying such a big part of who I am killed a fire within me too.
Finding Fab-You-Lous marked the beginning of a new transition. One of acceptance, appreciation and fulfillment. In today’s society, which I believe is far too image obsessed, it can be very hard for our generation to feel satisfied with themselves. However, I believe if you accept what it is and be proud of how you fit into it you can succeed no matter what.
Yesterday was the first day in two years since I stepped into a rehearsal room, new script in hand and ready to play once again.
Today I have no regrets, just excitement for what is to come when I try just one more time.
I would like to thank David Bullmore, the director I am currently working with, who inspired me with the tittle of this post.