Incorporating a Little Yin to My Yang

As I sit on a rock looking out over the beautiful mountain scope from the Village of Mt. Buller, sun beaming down over my shoulders, mind at ease, grateful for all I have and thankful to be on this amazing planet I am over taken at the euphoric feeling and bliss of having no crazy lists running through my head: what needs to be done, what I haven’t done, what I want to do. This joyous feeling of emptiness is not foreign to me but at times very rare to come by.

I am not quite sure where it came from but at a very young age I learnt to go, go, go! I am almost 99% sure it was never forced upon me, in fact I am sure I was the one stirring the way and for a good portion of my life it has suited me just fine. However in the recent years I have been a little more mindful of the little signs. It would seem that my body and mind have slowly started to feel the effects of a little wear and tear and as I begin the last year of my twenties I feel, right now high on this mountain top I should begin to honour all they have done for me and in return give them an abundance of love and self care.

Today is the final day of my fiancé and mine’s four day adventure; mountain biking up here in Mt. Buller, three and a half hours away from Melbourne. He had been talking about taking this trip for some time so I decided to book the accommodation as a Christmas treat, knowing full well he would never actually take annual leave unless forced too, yes the apple does not fall far!

For most of January, leading up to this trip, I have been a little ill and run down. I quit smoking on Christmas day as my 2017 new years resolutions (go me!) and in order to clean my gut and flush out toxins, not only from smoking but Christmas festivities my diet has consisted of a lot more freshly squeezed juices, mostly vegetable. A summer detox and boy have I been detoxing!

Toxins seem to be trying to escape from all avenues. My mouth is on fire 75% of the day, as my gums shed there protective lining and rebuild, my sinuses are blocked, my face is puffy, my head pounds and to top it all off I have pimples all inside my nasal passage which is causing my nose to look all kinds of obscure. (I must let you know that the nose deformity is not obvious to the normal eye but screams out at me every time I look in the mirror.)

In control and still a little image conscious Sara has been all kinds of crazy in January. Old insecurities have been rushing to the surface, unable to be washed away. Not only has my body been trying to detoxify, which it has done many times before, but it would seem to appear that it’s ability to bounce back and recover has been lost, unheard from and not appearing any time soon!

As any stubborn perfections, or perhaps Capricorn, might be able to sympathise with, on the go, always up for a challenge, never stop until you see broken bones, if there is a problem it can and must be fixed, Sara, has totally ignored all signs and continued with the plan to make 2017, the last year of her 20’s, the year Saturn returns, an absolute ripper.

I have clocked 6, 8, 10 kilometre runs, been on numerous mountain bike adventures, began training for an Aquathon: 750 metre swim followed by a 5 kilometre run, and in support of helping people achieve their goals and get fitter joined my sister in the 28 day Kayla challenge.

I have defined soldiering on. Mind mapping and scheduling things in my new passion planner, one of the ways I hope to get more organised this year, crossing things off my daily to do list, a new productivity tool I am implementing this year that aims to increase productivity by 25% and as the ringing of the new year finally meant I am get married next year I have began the early stages of wedding planning, or perhaps wedding nightmare!

I have been combating all of this with trips to my healers, Reiki, Acupuncture and last week I even had a lymphatic facial, all of which have been wonderful however without coupled with rest and giving my body enough time to soak it all up and recover, I still felt not quiet right. My body was angry; it had shut down and completely refused to heal.

Which brings me back to my mountain and weekend trip away to Mt Buller. I had been given very wise words by a dear friend and wonderful healer of mine to take it easy this weekend; go for a small ride, take lots of walks, read, write, meditate. “See it as a weekend retreat.” Whilst I smiled and knew she was right as soon as I got back in my car that voice inside my head laughed and ensured me I wouldn’t be missing out on the weekend’s activities.

I managed to get through the first day without a whole lot of activity, we took our time getting up here to the lodge, had dinner walked around the village and did a small 20 minute cruise around some of the tracks, getting our adrenalin pumped in anticipation for the day ahead.

Came Friday morning I was ready to go and by Saturday afternoon after we had conquered the 46 kilometre Australian Alpine Epic Trail and an extra 30 kilometres of mostly uphill and down hill tracks, the voice inside my head reminding me to look after myself was now a faint whisper in the background. I ignored the alarm bells throbbing in my lower back.  To be honest they can be very easy to ignore when you so much enjoy chasing the thrill, love being active and can’t think of anything better then spending days out in the mountains laughing with your fiancé, your best friend.

I am not surprised that Saturday night ended at Mansfield hospital, I like to call it “Devine Intervention.” With my a nice deep cut under my brow glued up, the addition of a tennis ball poking out of my hip and a whole lot of scraps and bruises, I have been forced beyond any control of my own to slow down and chill out for the last day up here and at least a couple of days when I get back.

It is not that I don’t like the feeling of slowing down or giving myself a bit of self-love. I quiet enjoy a little sleep in, lying about soaking in the natural surroundings, writing and reading, its just that years of always being on the go, of proving to myself, and everyone around me, that there will be a way, has tricked my mind into believing that slow equals unproductive, that doing nothing will make you fat, that super woman never saved lives by sitting in lotus position and taking deep breaths.

I have a lot of fire inside of me, crazy, hot, Italian blood and it is great. It’s what continues to get me out of bed, but it would seem to appear that this fire has burned a little out of control and is yearning to drink, perhaps guzzle right now, some sparkling cool water.

It will take me a while to learn to balance the Yang with a little extra Yin but in order to keep my angels happy and all my bones in tact I think its best to start looking at the signs and giving my body what it needs in order to make it through to the first year of my thirties.

February looks like it will be a month of yin yoga, long walks and perhaps an Aquathon, after all you still need the yang!

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My Angel Above

High above the sky you float,
You shine there so peacefully,
My hero, my guide, my friend.

Without even knowing I have asked you to protect me,
To give me the answers I crave to seek,
And to stay forever with me, even when I drift.

It’s taken me a while to admit you’re there,
Pretending I am strong,
And too stubborn to care.

Today I salute you and welcome you in,
I give you my love,
So come down from up above.

You may sit with me now,
You may dance with me now,
No more hiding, you belong with me now.

Surrender

There are a million and one signs.
Everyday.
Reminding you,
Slow down.
Yet you continue on,
Full Steam.
Not a minute to pause,
Choosing to ignore,
Fearful to see.
How many times do you think you can escape?
Spared your carless mistakes?
If you’re not careful,
You could be lost,
Forever.
Vanish without a note,
A kiss,
A lasting goodbye.
Go on,
Keep running.
But my friend,
The more you run,
The harder it gets.
Don’t let the world miss out.
Denying them the privilege,
To bathe in your magic.
Beauties you can create,
Smiles you make.
No one is scared…
Only you.
But be careful, my child
Enemies will form,
In time.
As you continue to lay pillar,
Beside column,
Between walls,
Amongst thorns.
Sooner or later, you will be trapped.
No one to protect you.
Alone,
Afraid,
Abandoned.
Put down your armour and Open your heart.
Never fear. .
Let the Devine take over,
Guiding you home.
This universe is yours.
Surrender.
It’s your only choice.

Welcome Back

I started this blog well over a year ago as a little quest to try and find myself and some of the fabulous things this world has to offer.  I wanted to share it with whoever might find some inspiration from it because the truth is, when all my barriers are down I just love to talk, write, make people laugh, lend a helping hand. Simply I love people and making connections.

Perhaps it was some call to the universe “Help me, help me”

However like most of my “brilliant ideas,” in which i tend to go in with all guns blazing and then sooner or later just lose the passion to drive through the sometimes not so blue sky, i stopped.

In the beginning of the year, after another Slow Flow Yoga class which ended in tears,  I found myself, panda eyed, in my local cafe, annoyed and fustrated at the highs and lows of my body, mind and spirt, and as i ordered my second almond milk latte for the day, it was only 11am. Waiting impatiently for my next caffeine hit,  I found myself propelled to an advertisement for a “Holistic Awakening” which they called Reiki:

“Do you suffer from chronic stress?”  Yes of course, I am Italian!

“Are you fatigued?” Um hello who isn’t?

“Do you suffer from depression?”   Blowing money on drugs and alcohol is just a way for me to relax and unwind after a stressful week! Everyone is doing it!

I threw the flyer down grabbed my coffee, without making eye contact with the kind gentlemen, mumble a quick thank you under my breath and walked briskly to my car, jumped in, lit a smoke and drove off.  I couldn’t get away fast enough, and thinking back now i was in a pretty negative space.

A day later the flyer was still in the back of my mind, so i started to do a little research on this energy healing; Reiki.

The more i read the more i started to think. Did i have a lot of dormant energy blocked up inside of me? Was this why when i gave my mind and body time to slow down and release, I always ended up in tears?  Or why i almost bit the head off the poor waitress at breakfast yesterday morning because my dad’s meal was late, or why most of my family were to scared to talk to me incase i erupted?  Was i still letting the past decide my future? Unable to finally move forward because i was still holding on to so much more.

I asked a friend who seemed to be more in touch with her “spiritual side” and she recommended i try it out and gave me the number of  a lady i now call my absolute angel!

Since February I have been seeing my healer almost weekly and the amount of rubbish i have stored in this poor body of mine no wonder it’s angry and hates getting out of bed every day!  Week by week we clear a little more and make space for so many more possibilities.

I now walk around with crystals on my hands and hanging from my neck, meditate daily, I am working towards a 5:30am practice, but i am still addicted to the snooze button.  I talk about chakras, and look for colours to attract vibrations,  I consult my angle cards.

Early this week i made the decision to making a transition to turn vegetarian, its been playing on my mind for a while but after being exposed to the documentary Cowspiracy, i am finally starting to make more sustainable choices about what i put in my body. I have not eaten meat since Tuesday.  I have an official end day on the 30th of May, as I am going to Japan and still want to try sushi there but who knows when its in front of me what i might do!

Tomorrow I am going on my first ever weekend retreat for yoga, mediation and healing and in the second half of the year I am going to embark on my Yoga Teacher Training Certification.

Have I found myself? Of course not!  Do i know what my life purpose is? It changes every day!

However i do know that creative and autobiographical writing has always been a way in which i love to express so i am back at the key board and pushing on forward!

TransformQuotefancy-4363-3840x2160-2ations are not easy and at times i still want to rush out and buy a packet of smokes  or waste my pay check on a “night out on the town” but i constantly remind myself be like the arrow: it must be pulled backwards before it can saw into the mystical unknown.

Hello and welcome back to my blog.

Namaste

xx

 

Where Art Thou Summer?

Melbourne I love you but looking outside my window today I have a bone to pick with you.

Where have you taken summer? Why have you replaced it with autumn minus the beautiful brown falling leaves?

I don’t want to be angry. In fact this year I have made a strong commitment to eliminate as much anger as I can. But as I sit here, with my shorts on, stubbornly refusing to put on my winter trackies, I can’t help feeling annoyed.

Don’t you understand, I look forward to summer? I want to feel, touch, smell and hear the heat. I want my senses to be over whelmed by the abundance of heat. I don’t want to imagine I am lying on a beach, golden sand beneath me, with waves crashing around me. I want to be on that beach.

The only way I have learned to appreciate the cold, is knowing that the person who delivers it, also delivers the glorious sun!

They say that absence makes the heart grow founder; absences is making my wish I lived in another city!

I am sorry Melbourne but you have to understand. Today I had plans, and although I should have considered making them after I read your weather predictions, I still feel let down.  I wanted to spend Sunday outdoors, walking the dogs, riding the bikes, possibly swimming, running under sprinklers, playing with super soakers and eating ice cream.

However I wake up this morning, open the front door, only to be thrown the devastating realisation, that no one had answered my preys and delivered me my summer.

Dear Melbourne Weatherman,

Re: Summer Extension.

I am prepared to throw you a deal. Lets shake things up! I propose that since two months of summer have been taken from us, we kindly negotiate to have two months from Autumn. I am more than happy for Autumn to have a chat with winter and sort out a similar trade. However the bargaining factor is this: come September 1st, 2015, things go back to normal, and Spring starts on time!

Yours sincerely,

A concerned citizen of fab-you-lous Melbourne!

IMAGINE ACTION!

Somewhere along the line we decided…

My alarm goes off at 7:30am. I snooze, 3 times before I have no other option than to drag my heavy, tired self out of bed.

Shit! Realising the time I know I am going to have to create another excuse as to why I am 5 minutes late…again.

I jump in the shower. BAM, my first obstacle of the day: whether or not I will wash my hair.

Second obstacle hits shortly after, as I scramble around the room trying to find something decent and semi ironed to wear to work.

Why didn’t I get myself organised last night before I went to bed, like I said I would.

After wasting 5 precious minutes trying to find myself amongst the mess. I am half ready and out the door. Yes, I will make sure I clean row place up tonight.

I drive myself to work, using each traffic light to slap on some foundation, bronze my cheeks and lengthen my lashes, fumbling with my clutch every time as frustrated drivers impatiently toot their horns behind me.

I arrive at work, run up the stairs and with my wet hair sloshed across my face I blurt out “OH MY GOD. I have been sitting in the worst traffic. A school bus broke down and they closed the whole main road, ON BOTH SIDES, so they could usher all the kids off and let another bus through AND a tow truck. Bloody inconsiderate arse holes. Traffic was crazy on both side and even trying to swing around the back roads was a nightmare.” I gasp trying to catch my breath.

Puzzled faces stare back at me, looks of amusement, and sighs of disbelief.  Closed a whole main road? Bloody arse holes? Wow I should have thought this one through a bit better. Quickly, trying to deviate the entire scene I have created and to find a place to hide in embarresment, I offer to make everyone his or her early morning pick me up…yes caffeine…GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

Once at my desk I turn on my computer and first task: I check me emails. Correct nothing important except a couple of coupon, scoupon, groupon, emails which I can’t afford to get sucked into right now.  So instead I send my usual email to my girlfriend to wish her good morning and complain about my own….for a whole page and a half!

Fantastic one hour done, 7 more to go…

And the workday probably continues like this…Becoming a hazy blur of procrastination and work, heavily siding towards procrastination with a few lame jokes in-between to ensure everyone at the office thinks I am cool. Which quiet clearly the don’t.

Home time draws near and I start to clean my desk, then the kitchen, then anything else around me that may look like it might need an extra little scrub. Whilst preparing for the work day to be completed, I have nightmare flashes of the pile of washing that’s creeping up the walls in my bathroom and guilt already begins to loom above me, knowing, yet again, that tonight will not be the night I become dear old Sadie!

By 5pm, my bag is packed, and I am hoping that my cute smile and puppy dog eyes will be enough for me to slip out the door without having to do overtime for the days work I can’t produce.

Phew! Not knowing whether it worked or they simply don’t care, I quickly mumble goodbye and I am out,

I make a quick stop at the gym, smash out a workout, the only thing that really makes me feel good about myself, head home and sooner or later after I struggle with what I might eat for dinner, deciding on vegemite toast, I find myself crawling into bed ready for it all to start again…

But imagine if one day we didn’t hit snooze, that we decided that life was far to important to waste another second getting lost amongst the mess we create.

Imagine we believed in our extraordinary talents and wanted to share them with the world.

Imagine we had the power to choose all our actions, to determine what we wanted to do.

That instead of letting our bodies feed off our negativity; we threw them a couple of nice, warm and fuzzies: We tried meditation, we found a love of boxing, we set small task like reading a chapter of a book a night, that made us feel like we had accomplished something when completed.

Just image we invested in a workshop or that short course we had been meaning to do but just haven’t got around too.  Imagine we reenrolled into university.

I want to learn to play the Ukulele….Imagine I did!

Imagine we did enough feel good things, that our bodies forgot what it felt like to feel depressed, fat, ugly, angry, defensive and lethargic.

And then what if the next day we just didn’t hit snooze.

Time to begin the short story I always wanted to.

Go for a run.

Add 10% of my monthly salary towards my next holiday that I am always complaining I can’t afford.

Did you know that the same receptors in our brains that catch excitement also catch virus and if they are too busy catching excitement then they got not time to waste on virus.

Imagine the possible because you can create it.

“Life Rewards Actions” – Benjamin J Harvey, Founder of Authentic Education.